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Photography by Giddy and Gold.
It can be easy when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time to forget about being intentional in your love. I will be the first to tell you that we’re more likely to stay on the couch watching TV than go out on a date. Sometimes I forget to keep doing sweet things for my husband because well…life happens. You get busy. The apartment is a mess and there’s dishes to be done and he can make breakfast himself.
Does this sound familiar to you? When I catch myself in this mindset, the first thing I do is pray. I pray and ask God to help me love my husband, serve my husband, and help him to become the man that God has intended for him to be. Ladies, do you pray for your husband? I encourage you to. It will change your marriage.
There are days when I’m grumpy and certainly don’t feel like being sweet, but praying and asking God to help me love Andrew the way he deserves to be loved always changes things for me.
A few years ago I got these prayer cards, and they always help me when I can’t think of the right words to say. I keep them on my bedside table as a reminder to pray for my husband. When I refocus and make an effort to go out of my way to do things for Andrew, I immediately see him reciprocate and want to serve me, too. It’s then that I can truly feel the love of Christ in our marriage.
A few months into our marriage, Andrew and I joined a marriage class at our church. We read through Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, and each had our own workbooks (womens) and (mens). I can’t even begin to tell you how GREAT this book is for opening up communication between you and your spouse (or soon-to-be!).
Another book I loved is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. This book was a gift from a mentor of sorts and it’s totally eye opening. I highly recommend this one, y’all. It’s also a perfect gift to give a newly engaged friend!
Okay! Ways to love your hubs! One of the activities in the SYMBIS books involved Andrew and I each writing out when we feel most loved. You do this in your separate workbooks, and then share (which is how most of the exercises go). This seems like such a simple question, but it’s so important. It’s quite literally giving you the key to what makes your significant other happy. Straight from the horse’s mouth. I encourage you to ask your husband-
What do you do that makes him feel most loved?
Andrew feels most loved when I cook his favorite meal, and when I take care of him when he’s sick. I think most men would agree with those😉 I asked my friends what they do that make their husbands happy, and I’m talking about them below! Some of the answers are from their husbands, too!
Pack lunch for him
Andrew is always so grateful when I put together his lunch for him the night before. He leaves for work at 6:30, so being able to reach in the fridge and grab his lunch makes his morning so much easier. Sometimes on the weekend I’ll make these mini omelettes so he has quick breakfasts during the week, too.
Do an activity he likes
Until we talked about this in our marriage class, I had no idea how much guys love it when you do something they love to do. One of my best friends will go out and play golf with her husband every now and then and it makes him so happy. Men are also more likely to open up and talk (omg) when you’re doing something together that he’s into.
Express your gratitude
This one seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how far a genuine thank you can go. If Andrew does the dishes while I’m gone, I’ll make it a point to say ” Thank you so much for helping me with the dishes, I really appreciate it. It takes a lot of stress off of me.” It sounds simple, but men really appreciate being appreciated! Most of the time you assume they know you’re grateful, but I encourage you to think of a few things you can go out of your way and say thank you for.
Ask for his advice
I loved this one that my husband’s friend sent me: “As much as I try to offer emotional support for my wife rather than unsolicited advice, it makes me feel respected and valued when she asks for my input or advice. When she asks for my help- even small stuff like how best to fit our bags in the car- my heart swells with a lion’s pride.”
Consider his wants and likes, too
This one from a college friend of mine is so good (and something I never would have thought of!)
“I’ve learned that my husband and I are quite the opposite in our need for social interaction. I crave time with friends while my husband truly enjoys being at home all weekend long. So one way I try to show my love for him is to make it a point to not schedule multiple activities for us both on the weekend so that I can give him at least a day to himself. I’ve learned this can be difficult for me because I don’t like to say no but it is so important for our marriage for him to have his down time.”
The Little Things
- My husband appreciates when I do the laundry because he knows it’s my least favorite chore and he’s able to have uniforms ready to go for work . He also likes it when I scratch his back!
- Not turning on all the light when I wake up at 5 every morning . When I don’t leave clothes in the dryer for days . The big one- when I clean my own hair out of the shower drain. (too funny!)
There is no big secret on how to make your husband happy- each man is different. Ask him that question from above, right now. Text him. “What do I do that makes you feel most loved?” And then come back and share! I’d love to hear what asking this question does for your marriage.
Thanks for reading,
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